...They fingered his butt hole and sent him on his way.

We'll start this blog out with an excerpt from the most amazing essay ever;

Riding in the benzo, poppin my colla
See some fine wenches, I hafta holla.
Diamonds, gold, and the all mighty dolla
I'm opedipus bitch, the original balla.
I bust out my 9, to light up your impala.
Fuck that police!

Today was a pretty shitty day.Actually... the past 24 hours have been pretty shitty. Yep. It's been a shit-fest since roughly 6:42 p.m. yesterday. I'm pissed off. I'm fed up. Frustrated. Grouchy. Down in the dumps. All of the above. Thankfully, I have a couple amazing friends(Alana and Cory :D) who made the day a little bit better.

As of late, I've become really tired of a few things. Those things are:

1. Being walked on like a doormat.
2. Being overlooked.
3. Being blown off.
4. Being there for everyone, yet having no one be there for me.
5. Being peoples' friend only when it's convenient for them.
6. People treating me like I don't have feelings, and therefore they can say/do whatever they want to me, and it's okay.
   

And, you know... the saddest part is all of these things have happened in more than one instance, and seem to happen over and over again. It's tiresome, really. Really, I'm 21 years old. I'm too old for high school drama and bullshit. And the people who do this to me... yeah, they're too old for this shit too. It's kind of like the Papa Roach song, Scars... "my weakness is that I care too much." Sadly, I do. I'm the kind of person that cares about everyone. I do my best to see good in everyone. And what do I get for these things? I get stabbed in the back. I get ditched. And you know? Instead of folding or breaking, I just take it in stride and deal with it. I don't yell, I don't cause a scene. I keep everything bottled inside.

Maybe it's time for me to start causing a scene. Maybe I need to start throwing fits, and then people will see how the things they do and say to me really affect me. Maybe if I make it impossible for people to ignore me, they won't look me over or blow me off. Maybe I'll stop making myself so readily available to people. I'll stop putting myself out there. If I don't put myself out there, I can't get hurt... right? Maybe I'll start being selfish and only care about me and what I want and what I need.

It probably won't happen... but maybe someday I'll finally snap and do these things. Maybe.

Being told one thing, and then months later being told, "oops. Sorry. Maybe next time." is bullshit. It isn't fair. It isn't right. Being looked over for opportunities that would mean the world for me sucks. I'm always happy to lend an ear to people in need... but really, how many of these people do the same for me? If you guessed "not many," you would be correct.

I'm emotionally exhausted right now. I'm in the mood to go ape shit and start snapping on people. But I won't. Because it's not the kind of person that I am. Instead, I'm going to put it all behind me and move on. Not to avoid making anyone else uncomfortable or unhappy. I'm going to do it because I owe it to myself to BE HAPPY. I don't owe it to anyone else, just myself. How's that for being selfish?

If you think that anything in this blog pertains to you, maybe it does. Maybe you should take a look at yourself and make a change. Maybe.